This morning, as I sit outside and have my predawn coffee and smokes and listen thru the baby monitor to my mother breathe, I have become so vividly aware of the absence of time, the true stillness and expansiveness of love, of the Presence of Love. I think we need to completely redefine a concept we try to live by: “being in the moment,” I never fully understood that expression until this morning and only because there is such a lack of anything and everything else, do I fully understand its enormity right now.
I just received a very simple visual to help show what I mean, what I am so vividly aware of this early morning:
The blue circle, that’s our unique energy field, the thing that surrounds us 24/7 as we move thru life as well as beyond life. It is OUR temple of the Presence, if we allow. The red x in the center, that’s our body. I wish there was a way to have those black lines move in and out of existence, but I am not that artistically savvy, but know of this diagram, they are the only things not static. The represent time, past experiences, future desires, even present moments things, all filled with one kind of an emotion or another. For as long as we have any or all of these lines intersecting into our energy field, they are affecting us in many various ways, altering and pushing our present moment. Just think about it, an experience from the past, whether we look back with joy or cringingness, is affecting how we make our choices for the present and future. Think about this for a moment, even our joy is simply a measure of our sorrow (again, from past experience, but not only in this life, but whatever we carried forward.)
Which takes the energy of healing to a whole new level of understanding for me. Healing should be erasing the emotional currents of intersections within your blue circle, (when allowed) your Temple of the Presence (god.) Of course, many would think of the physical body as the temple, but look at all that space around the red x. It would be like saying the cars on the road are the temple of our movements in life and we can see that any given car lot is filled with more cars should the one we drive die.
When we heal within ourselves, a job one you can do unto yourself. There are those that can assist the energies to start opening up, for the roots to be seen and explained (that’s what I have done/do for others) but only you can void the causality of any given intersection of emotion.
When we fully and completely void out the pain filled intersections, we stop trying to recreate the joy filled intersections and fully open up to new, unthought of experiences. It truly is what Being in the Moment really means.
I am working in my mind my mothers obituary. Yesterday as I started working the energy sentences around, I was picking up pieces of her past, mulling them over, wondering if this is the best way to express in a few words my mother’s life and death. This morning, my mind back on that task, but void of any yesterdays and became engulfed in this tremendous moment of love flowing from one temple to the other. It had nothing to do with mother and daughter, friend or foe, it was consumed with pure unadulterated love.
And my mind goes back to the cloud formation when I entered the payment booth on the florida turnpike, two faces looking at each other, emerged from one heart appearing as two people. I so get that now. My mother has been one of the greatest teachers of my life. To give me the feeling and experience of the depths of separation to this moment to that IS the depths of Oneness.
A couple of days ago I started to send out my thank you emails (I have so many more to go) to those who have surrounded my mother and I with the ability to be together without having to worry about how the bills are going to get paid or how the klondike bars will remain in stock, when the floodgates of my eyes just opened up and poured out the most intense love and gratitude for the rest of the day. Wave upon wave upon wave. Thank god I was wearing my glasses and not my contacts!! I was pretty damn sure my mother was transitioning that day… but I was wrong. (I will catch up to the emails, I am so knee deep in processing, understanding and loving my mother.)
Yesterday morning when I got up, the well in my eyes completely out of fluids, I took to two of my angel decks. One called the archangels and the other called the ascended masters. I asked for understanding in my mothers moment, since she is still here and decided to stay a while longer. I was bitching about the card I pulled from the archangel deck that simply said “Soul Mate.” What?? My mother is past the energy field of looking for a soul mate, thank you very much. So I poo pooed the card away and pulled one from the ascended masters deck: “Purification.” Ohhhh now that one makes sense to me.
Again, I say, we give meaning to things that may not always have the meaning we think. Much later in the day, when I was deep inside myself, listening to my mother coughing and breathing, I realized the significance of the soul mate card. How often we search outside of ourselves for love. My mother was married 5 times and was actively looking for her soul mate even here in Florida (I found many of her personal ad things she had written.) The true soul mate to anyone is our Self. The love of our lives is ourself within ourSelf. The purification is allowing the reunification of her soul to her self, the love affair of eternity!!
These were the waves of love, of tears I flowed with all day long, the purification of my mother unto her soul. Last evening, in the (now) rare lucidness of my mothers conversations, for the first time I think in all my life, I FELT the love from her heart when she said I love you. In order to truly know how unequivocally one is loved and cherished by the universal force of life, you must first love yourself that way too, to really feel the true energy of that. My mother not only is feeling that, handed me this profound moment of true understanding and experience on a golden platter. Talk about life coming full circle!!
On a more personal note, one of the things I am going to do when this is all said and done, I want to start a foundation specifically for those who will be the primary caretakers to those in transition and release money to them to make sure the last thing on their mind is how the bills will get paid as they spend every moment of their day holding the hand of someone they love. I cannot tell you enough the treasure you bestowed upon my mother and me, and even, my father and me when he transitioned in 2013. I love you and treasure your love upon our lives. Together, we have changed one amazing soul back into the depths of Love, I Am eternally grateful!!
The present moment, when buoyant with pure, unconditional love, will take you to heights never before imagined!!
I love you all so damn much. I am starting to feel like a broken record with my words, but I cannot say in language the depths of my loving gratitude for walking this amazing journey hand in hand, heart in heart with us.
((((HUGZ))))) filled with renewed vigor and pure inner Soul Mate Love to and thru All ❤