For the last few days I have had a constant visual, with understanding of course, my own experience of understanding, which always make things so much clearer for me. The visual is of an old blackened penny laying on a side-walk, just laying there. A person may come by, look at it, realize it’s a penny and walk on by. Most people do this because they know it’s a penny that’s tarnished. Then there are folks like me, they are not content just knowing it’s a tarnished penny, in order to fully understand how the penny got tarnished, one must first bend over and meet the penny at the ground level of conscious, pick it up and inspect all parts of it to not only fully understand the process of that penny, but the many other pennies who allowed themselves the same fate. Alone and tarnished.
Interesting choice of word there… allowed. Who would think a penny could allow for anything. All living things have choice of energies. Imagine that!!
But the penny here is representing my mother. The sidewalk is her bed. In order to understand why she not only why she is laying on the sidewalk, but how she got all tarnished too and what can I do to assist her transition from a penny to a diamond.
In my very Beginnings of this crazy thing I still call my spiritual path, altho, really, all of life is always that, a spiritual path, but I guess I should throw in the word, awareness. Awareness that there is a purpose to life that we do have access to, for the most part. Anyway, my team taught me from day one, assume nothing, always seek more and then seek again and then even again. Nothing is ever as it seems, even the information that comes from spirit is just one layer of a much broader truth reality which will change what we thought we know when more is added.
In order to truly understand the penny, the person, place or thing anyone seeks to assist, you must bend over, go to their place of understanding, in this analogy, it would be to the ground. To the basest of emotional levels. To fully understand all that is taking place, then for a moment, you must allow yourself to be free of the higher frequencies of emotion and take a stroll thru the base emotions. To fully revisit being human and the base level.
I forgot how raw it is down there. How easy it is to take someone’s head off (I am so sorry my beloved facebook family.) However, I now understand my mother so much better for the day I spent in the densest of emotions.
What I gift I have been given to be able to spend the last weeks or months of each of my parent’s life with them after decades of separation, two very different creatures, dying in two completely different ways.
I watch my father inhale and memorize every ounce of life. He would stare out the window and I could feel him absorbing life, the gratitude he had for being in nature. He loved to go for car rides to take in as much as he could. He would have done anything for just one more day. My mother, complete opposite. She is done, ready to go home. Has no interest in what life may still have to offer. Doesn’t care if its rainy or sunny… only which kind of chocolate did I get for her today. Hey, that’s important!!!
My mother refuses to leave the house, hell she refuses to leave the bed, except to go potty. I needed help in understanding and the universe sent me the most amazing Nurse Practitioner today, whose mother went thru the same exact thing. Just.. done.
She helped me understand what to look out for, that her candy cravings are due to the cancer, Cancer is a sugaraholic so she will want more and more and since she has resigned to letting go… just let her enjoy whatever she wants. This I can do with joy!! I just went and bought $100 worth of her favorite soda (diet pepsi) her klondike bars (hey there is calcium in that) and a wide variety of chocolate, many with peanut butter (sneak in some protein lol.) OK some healthy food too, but 75% was comfort food for mom.
We are now in the process of getting hospice set up and a Do Not Resuscitate sign for the house signed by her primary. I have a plan of action, or really, non action, but a direction in which to go and I understand my mother’s desires.
I went to the hospice resell store the other day and on my way home, about 10 feet in front of my car was my mothers soul. It was faint and huge, I mean, huge like 20-30 feet high and 10-15 feet wide and presented as my mother’s body, only, faint not solid. I feel this was her souls way of saying she is halfway home. My vision was then switched to her bed and my father and her father sat with her. Both died from lung disease, so it makes sense to me why they would both help her in this moment.
I’m still waiting for someone to talk to me about my mother’s prognosis, since she refused to go see the oncologist. Her prognosis is really going to steer my immediate future. If she has much more time than she thinks, I have to set up my work schedule and get mom sitters in place. If we are talking weeks… then I will sit with her until the end. I am hoping in the next few days either her primary or when hospice gets here, I will get the prognosis.
I have not so much gone to my computer this last week while my daughter and grandson were in, so forgive the week long lack of email replies or sharings. I will catch up with everything, including myself.
I so love my tarnished penny, my beautiful mother. I am so grateful that I am Here and have this amazing last dance with her. A two-step of love back into the Light!!
I love you all and thank you for picking me up when I fall down.
((((HUGZ)))) of Life, of Love and Pure Light!! ❤