Fifteen years ago today, at exactly 7:30 pm, a full moon night to boot, my entire life started to change because I sat down at my kitchen table and played with a homemade Ouija board. 15 years of the most twisted, windy road I never imagined walking. That’s funny, I remember being in my early months and that beautiful soul I refer to as my (unintentional) mentor, Marc once said to me “Lisa, you’re not walking your path, your sprinting down it.” Funny the things you remember on the days you are in deep reflection. Today’s dateline, the 11-11 is more precious to me than my own birthday. I was irrevocably changed because this chick named Jill Cadee came thru my homemade Ouija board for 8 hours straight.
As I reflect on the words of spirit these last few weeks, the last few months, how everything is changing, enhancing, turning upside and inside out in relationship to the world as we know it, I think to myself, nothing will ever change as drastically in my personal world, like it did November 11th, 2000. However, that is not to say I do not see and feel the enhancements, the intensities of the energies, the changing enhancements of my abilities, of YOUR abilities. But more than any of that, I stand in constant awe of the love, the pure, unconditional love that surrounds my world. To every one of you who reaches out your heart to me in my time of need, who reach out to use my skills to know more about yourself and to focus on your soul growth as the most important part of your life. We so vividly see the two way mirror happening, we are each other. We are the living heartbeats of Source in body, experiencing him/herself in new ways thru each other.
We are all in this, sprinting into new creations, expanded abilities, together. I think of something Kryon has said many times, you can choose to walk 2000 steps or 2 steps to get where you are going. Gimmie two steps (smile.) Why take the long road when there is a more direct one right in front of us all the time. Thank you, each and everyone one of you over the last 15 years and into the forever years for sprinting wildly with me, pushing the boundaries of what we know to be true, to the unfathomable truths we are revealing together.
Yes, I have been in this melancholy, reflective mood since yesterday. It happens this time of year, every year, I hold it dear and precious like nothing else in all my experiences to date. However, this morning, as I pondered even putting out a sharing, since I have nothing new to share, I could feel my team holding my hand reflectively, lovingly as we all sat down to type. (smile, don’t ever think I could be lonely even for a minute, its crowded in my space. lol)
There is something in my personality that was never refined in my spiritual growth. I have pushed boundaries all my life. Not always for the greatest good, a lot of that pushing got me in serious trouble, but who cares. Life is so much more exciting and interesting when you are doing things people tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t. Screw that, that’s exactly where I will put my focus and effort. Stays true to even now. We become limited by our perception of limitations. Even when you know there is a construction horse keeping one at bay, I cannot help but go poke around to see what’s happening. It is with great comfort this morning, that I hear my team hug me with the words “this is why you are doing what you do.” This is stemming from what I did yesterday. As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I knew I didn’t have my voice back yet, but as long as I can make some words audible without pain, I am going to push the boundaries and do what I signed up to do every day, read.
My first lady called at 8am, I was raspy and semi-silent in my voice, but what the hell, we are here together, lets see if we can see something together. Keep in mind, when you show up, it changes my vision, enhances it, fills int he gaps that I cannot see of my own self. I am not going to miss an opportunity to serve or to see what else is happening. 15 years (53 really) this is my one constant.
Trying to get audible words out to here was creating an avalanche of coughing. I had not been coughing at all until I tried to use my voice to talk to her. I didn’t even cough when I was “practicing” before she called. Something changed because she, because you showed up. I realize today, as my team shows me the bigger, most beautiful picture. Without these living examples, I would miss understandings and therefore, I push boundaries, my own limitations which really do open up to living truths because I am experiencing them first hand. I understand them first hand, not just as a concept.
We opened the field to radical change on the 9th, enhanced by my last connection of the day when my voice went missing. I have been bobbing and weaving with my voice and lack of voice for a couple of years now and I know when it goes out it’s because the energies are higher than my vocal chords can process, so they take a step back to adjust. Trust me, over the years I have jumped thru every hoop to make sure this is just a change in energy and nothing else. CT scans, camera’s stuck down my throat all, come back “unremarkable,” normal. No known reason I should be loosing my voice as frequently as I do. I know, we know.
So, pesky old me insisted to my beautiful lady on the phone, let’s try and do a reading, just to see if we are going to see anything. It may take me longer than usual to tell you what I see, but we have the time!! Yeah right. I crank my crazy antenna out to the field and there is spirit standing just on the other side of my back door, big ass finger wagging back and forth… I know this message, not the first time i had seen it “no no no no no.” And the trying made me cough more, harder, deeper. We resigned to reschedule. As soon as I came over to my computer to reschedule her, the coughing got deeper, suddenly I felt something pop in my throat as I was coughing and with that pop a warm liquid filled my vocal cord. All I could think was, did a hocker get stuck there?? What the hell is that?? Whatever it was, plugged up my already strained ability to talk. My voice was done, gone.
I was not about to give up yet!! lol I am a crazy lady. Before I sent out an email to everyone else on my agenda, I was going to see if I could at least have a conversation with my man scheduled next. I have almost an hour to rest my voice. Not even close. Trying to push a vocal out was akin to a frog trying to croak while being choked. I couldn’t even form a coherent word with my voice and I had to reach deeper in my lungs than ever before to even try. It was kinda kewl to witness, not very kewl to experience.
I sent off an email to everyone on my agenda and plopped on my couch to ponder what the hell just happened. It was weird, very weird lol. I could actually feel my vocal chords swelling in my throat. The great thing about vocal chords, they have no pain receptors within them, so it didn’t hurt at all. My throat isn’t sore at all, but now I have this thick warm spot in my throat. Kinda weird really.
I decided to take a bath, maybe I could see a little something, something in there. Nope. When spirit is wagging that finger, it is doing it from every place I can poke my antennas into. So I ODed on chocolate and took to google with an inspired thought that said “google popping vocal chords” who am I to argue. And the first thing I clicked on gave me that ohhhhhhhh…. thats what happened:
Vocal folds are called “folds” because they are not just strings, or cords of tissue. They are many layers thick and contain very fine blood vessels within them. When the voice is used forcefully, the delicate blood vessels in the vocal cord may burst open, and leak blood into the vocal cord. Forceful voice use can include:
- singing aggressive styles (i.e., gospel, rock, etc)
- singing incorrectly (i.e., poor technique, when unwell)
- singing in poor environments (i.e., poor amplification, poor monitors, loud environment, etc)
- throat clearing
- coughing <— dats me!! lol
After a short time, this leakage stops but the blood remains in the vocal cord.
A hemorrhage is a bruise of the vocal cord. Therefore, there is no blood outside of the vocal cord. The blood is trapped inside. This turns the vocal cord red when it first occurs. The vocal cords should normally be white; however when blood first leaks into the vocal cord, it stains it red. Over time, as the hemorrhage heals, the body will reabsorb the blood in the cord and the color will change to a yellowish tinge and then back to its normal white color. On stroboscopy, the cord will appear stiff and may not vibrate at all. In milder cases, it may vibrate poorly.
Taken from this website: http://www.voicedoctorla.com/voice-disorders/vocal-hemorrhage/
It’s funny how we can just feel terrible about something we did innocently. I was having a long moment all day long yesterday knowing I created a silent zone longer than it was needed which of course, is going to affect my schedule until I can talk again. Spirit let me have my self-pity party yesterday and today showed me a very different view from their perspective. I love spirit so much!!! lol
What happens when a volcano erupts? The intense heat from deep inside the earth comes alive, pushes its way up and out and all that rock and debris that never seen the light of day, comes topside, spew out in the only way it can to become part of the new living energy on the earth. The earth does not run from itself, instead, it is usually increased by small and major earthquakes, a rubbing together of the mantle to increase the frequency and create the updraft. You and I work the same way. Equally, spirit has been calling this time, the 11-11 an “avalanche” of Light. How many avlanches are we aware of that doesn’t alter the landscape it pours thru? Same with our physical bodies. Change IS underway!!
Our blood, is very much like the lava in the earth and the very thing that was needed to seep in, coat and enhance my ability to express this next amazing phase we are entering. Granted, just like lava, I have got to wait until it cools (becomes reabsorbed into the body) before I can use my new pimped out vocal chords again, which may take up to a week (per the many websites I looked at.) I am still voiceless this morning, but instead of feeling bad about pushing my limitations, I feel reverent for not being restricted by them so I can, we can change together.
As I sat voiceless all day yesterday, I really anticipated the winds showing up. I LOVE big winds, the biggest thing I miss from hurricanes is the winds that come with it. New Mexico is great for big winds without the hurricane, I love that too!! Finally later in the evening I heard the winds swirling around the house and turning my motion sensor light on every now and again. I was amazed to see that every time the outside light went on, major snow was coming in slant ways with the winds. Hey!! I seen this very thing on the field the morning of the 9th and now it is here unexpectedly (by me anywayz) with the winds of change. Yee Haaawwww!!! I don’t know what it means to me, to us, but it sure does excite the hell out of me!!
So when day finally broke this morning and all this information is being inlaid in my heart that I am sharing with you, that reverent feeling grew when I seen the light dusting of snow on the ground and the continuing gentle snowfall even thru now (my camera did not capture the snow falling. )
So on this ominous day of light falling from the area of pure spirit unto our lives, I sit in deep reverence for every one of us, the work we have done, the things we have unveiled and brought to life and all that has yet to come.
You are my living breath, my divine mirrors of love made manifest. I love you more than these simple words will ever fully express and am so grateful for your Presence in my life, in my throat and deep in my heart!!
Happy 11-11 to ALL!!
(((((HUGZ))))) of gratitude and unlimited lava flows/Light flows to ALL!! ❤
Lisa Gawlas www.mysoulcenter.com/bookreading.html
P.S.S. Pre Recorded Classes, Classes, Classes!
From Meditation to learning how to read and everything in between: Click here to find out more! The first meditation class is now up, the focus is on seeing and hearing and being co-creative within your meditations. I had strange technical difficulties with recording the class as an MP3, so for now, it is uploaded as an MP4 (video included.)