Posted by: Lisa Gawlas | August 25, 2012

Sad? Angry? Frustrated? Welcome to Death and the Pause Before the Full Re-Birth!!

Life really is stirring up the pot, isn’t it?  The end game is here and vivid in our emotional fields.  I think for me, this end stage.. the completion of the death process happened several days ago when I was doing my “doors” meditation.  First of all, my meditations no longer work the way they always have.  If I close my eyes and try to center, I go no where fast.  If I am just sitting with an intention, it unfolds right before my eyes.  No big deal really, or one would think it should be no big deal, especially since this is the way I do my readings, but to me, it is a big deal.  My one constant on this crazy path is no longer constant.  It changed.  This actually kicked up a bit of frustration and sadness within me.

Then a few days ago I was working my doors and remembered I never turned around to lock the back door to the old life.  So I first opened that door to see what was thru it, it stretched back to my time on the mountainside in Vermont.  That time period (2002) was my first real death process.  When the old Lisa who came into life died and the new Lisa was born.  I was so surprised to see this as my past I must close the door to, so I didn’t.  These last 10 years, while challenging, have been the greatest years of my life, I don’t want to shut that away.  It kicked up more sadness because I knew… all that brought me to here was done.  Granted, I have been writing that now for a month, but I suppose I never realized it meant to the most empowering aspect of our lives too.  Or maybe I did and just didn’t look at the depth of what that meant.

Two days ago my oldest daughter posted a picture of my father, someone I have not talked to for 36 years (since I was 13)  or knew at all until recently, of him doing a tattoo on someone.  Both of my girls are amazing tattoo artists and here is this man no one knew (at least on my arm of the family tree) doing what my girls are so good at.  Is tattooing genetic?  My heart got really sad looking at that picture.  I will never know “that” man.   My heart still gets very sad when I see it.  it is funny what a picture from 20 years ago can stir up in a heart that thought it didn’t care what it missed over time.

So yesterday, as I started typing out my morning sharing and really feeling all the changes, the sadness inside of me started to leak out of my eyes, especially when writing about how meditation changed for me, top it off with the song by Diana Ross  and maybe just seeing the date that song came out: 1975 brought up so much childhood sadness.  Endings, beginnings followed by so many more endings.

As I wrote my sharing yesterday, and I apologize to all those I overwhelmed or confused with the addition to the doorway meditation, that was never my intent, it was actually my excitement to help us all go further with this amazing meditation… which was actually someones reading!!

So with a heart filled with weepiness, when I closed out my sharing I decided to take a bath… hoping my usual style of meditation would just be back.  Not!  Just the intention of putting my foot in the bath to do a meditation started the energy flowing.  I watched as it was raining down translucent multi-colored energy all within my bathtub.   As I laid in the tub and closed my eyes, the visuals stopped.  I opened my eyes, the visuals started again, closed them, it stopped.  Reminded me of the “open and close record player” I had as a child. lol

In a bout of frustration I just said “what the hell is this all about?”  My team gave me a really good reply.  Still don’t like the change, but I do love the progress.  For 12 years my inner world existed within me.  Now it is time for my inner world to be my outer world energy too.  Of course I have been saying that thru my sharings too, but I suppose never understood the depth of it all until recently.  So now I am no longer traveling the multi-verse of energy and experience, instead, the multi-verse is coming to me, unfolding in my home.  OMG, I just realized something!!  I can swim like a fish in the inner world of my meditations to the far reaches of all created universes, plunge deep into the sun, walk around on Mars, there are no limitations and it is fluid.  Now I get why I first swam like a dolphin on my current level of doorways.  (You can read about that here, if you like.)  I am learning to swim as fluidly and effortlessly in my created reality of energy as I had within my inner world of meditation.

Even tho I am still sad about the sudden and unexpected change, I am more excited about the depth of what that means to us.  Yesterday I looked at my doorways again.  Still the same image, upper platform, all doorways generating a gold and white energy from each one., lower one still appearing as if I am in the night air looking at it.  The only doorway open with energy above is my first one, my financial freedom doorway.  Other than the one time I swam like a fish, and, I might add, only half way thru my lower energy field, I have not been able to move off the platform.  I did try yesterday and my team said no.  what the hell?  They said I have the one door open that is needed for me right now.  The rest will be accessed when I return from Virginia next month.  Really?  Well, I was not about to take that laying down (smile.)  I put my intention on my 2nd doorway… I want a gentle feather in that one!!  Dammit!!  I want a solid spiritual partner!  My team told me I don’t need to open the door in my circle of doors, I need to open my front door.  Hell, I will open any door it takes!!  So from my bathtub I imagined I opened both of my front doors (they are french doors, not leaving anything to chance here lol.)  Suddenly I had seen  a massive energy flow coming into my living room… a beautiful yellow-gold flooding energy.  Well, that hasta be good!!

The one thing I realized with utter clarity is that we have changed.  Everything about us is changing or has already changed.  But yet… we are in that pause place, where the new has not completely arrived yet and the old is no longer there.  But… as my 2nd reading of the day showed me, that is not 100% true either.

My second client also is my new business partner for the soul gym.  Once I realized what I was seeing for her, I got excited all the way around too.  These details are important for all of us to realize.  So I am going to share as much as I can about it all.

In her reading yesterday, her energy opened up at the South field, which really surprised me because everyone has always unfolded in the West field until her.  To understand the south field, just think of summer.  Everything is growing in your life garden, in bloom. tons of sunlight and rain happening for the full growth of the field of life.  There was light everywhere.  She indeed knows her strengths within herself.   She is an amazing web builder and a down right funny person to talk with.  Her humor is as warped as mine!!  Her tone of voice has a spice to it… no sugar coating at all.  I love it!  she makes me laugh every time we are together.  She is always willing to look at what may be holding her back from her heart desires.  Like me, she bitches about it, but in the end, understands what is needed for the next step.  Love it!!

In our last reading we decided to partner together on this soul gym project that has been sitting on my back burner since last Oct.  I just don’t have the skills to create what it needs to be.  I heard and felt her passion and before we both knew it, a business relationship was born so unexpectedly at the close of her reading… and she has been working her ass off creating the new soul gym.

So when I had seen her yesterday in the South field of her life, I was slightly confused.  But today… thank god for morning clarity, I understand what has been happening to all of us these last couple months.

It is one thing to stand in your West field, having complete access to all the wisdom and spiritual strengths and assimilating them into your biology and consciousness, it is whole other thing to start applying them into your field of created life.

From her south field something started moving towards her West field.  As I trained my vision on what that was, I realized it was a bush or a hedge that was growing from her south field and eventually connect to her west field.   The energy she was now putting out was finding roots in created reality and growing.  I realized this was the next phase of our evolution via our soul readings together.   Granted, if there was a 10 foot space between her south and west field, she still had about 7 feet to close the gap… but the fact that she was rooting her energy, her wisdom and talents in the space of created reality for spirit to live and grow thru… just creates a massive happy dance within me!!

But yet her bush/hedging was brown.  What the hell?  Why brown and not green?  Several reasons, first of all, it is still coming to life.  Second, her heart shifted from the excitement of this project to wanting a spiritual partner/divine counterpart in her life (hey, I soooo get that!!) and that did not bring up sunshine and roses, more like storms and thorns!

So many of us want that part NOW!!  I realized something beyond our comprehension is building towards September that we just cannot conceive of right now, nor is spirit spilling the beans on either.

From the Solar Eclipse on May 20th of this year to the Fall Equinox on September 22nd, we are in the midst of a rapid acceleration and completion cycle of energy.  So much has already changed, the grid of earth, of our bodies, of how we need to Be  on earth in full relationship with our Spiritual Self.   We are winding down on this last stage of full completion.  Death of the old ways.  So many are feeling that right now.  And yet, a blurry picture of our future.  But, from my view… a feeling so big, so excited, so filled with every aspect of Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and the lot!

Breath and enjoy the transitions.  Cry if you feel like it.  Stomp your feet a day or two… then just open yourself to the New, whatever that means!!

With deep emotion of saying goodbye to the past that got us to hear, and excitement of all that is getting us to there… group ((((((HUG))))) time!!

I love you!!!

Lisa Gawlas

















  1. Even though I have not gotten fully connected to the past and the current…. I soooo look forward to the new NOW!!!!!


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  3. Hi Lisa, although we have to close the door to the past and leave that energy behind, the happy memories will always be with us, and because we’re changing all the time, we are no longer what we were anyway.
    I’ve found it just about impossible to meditate like before as well – and I’ve done it for 22 years! – but for now, my contact with Spirit seems to have disappeared altogether. It’s difficult, but we’ll just have to trust and allow ourselves to become whatever we’re going to be. I just try to flow with the waters (wave) of change and let myself be taken wherever I’m meant to go.
    Love and (((hugs)))


  4. Hmmm…. South you say. I was half way there over a month ago. Very interesting. I guess its time for another reading.
    Thank you Lisa,
    Sarah :0)


  5. Gabrielle, I get that too. I feel that I have become my own master, guides, others have dropped away like training wheels to allow me my solo ride. I told Spirit to take all my memories, there is nothing that I need or want to hang on to as I KNOW that all that i need, will be given to me. For me, it is trusting that by surrendering everything (yes everything) all will be restored in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine. So……I am floating on those currents. Feeling more in my body than ever before, enjoying the physical senses to a new degree and thinking of no thing. Being in pure appreciation and joy. I find this to be a wonderous time. I took myself to a new land (New Zealand) and am allowing the energies to enliven me. Today the wind and sea are storming and I feel giddy like a little child. I love the elements and feel more elemental every day!!
    thank you Gabrielle and Lisa, for your sharing


  6. thank you for sharing so deeply
    you are loved 🙂


  7. I can totally relate to the whole reflecting on what got us to here thing, I have only just read this post, after I wrote my own blog in which I explained that I had to re close and re seal the door to the old energies that got us here… it’s validating to know the experiences of others and that I’m not on my own with this. Thank you everyone for riding this crazy train with me!!

    Much love ❤


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