Boy, did I wake up with a sudden jolt this morning… of course, at 2:30am!! It was with an absolute realization that we, as a Self Aware species, has lost something so important to ourselves. That is: Being The Presence of Love.
We seek to be loved, but how much are we seeking to Be Love??
We can feel it in our meditations, write poetry and books about it, but to Live it as a way of Life, every moment of every day without fail, most especially, without effort…
When that voice in my bathroom said there are consequences to what I am about to do, he was not kidding. My continuing reality construct is changing every moment of every day as I re-member and expand on the two most precious re-unions of Life, soul union and childbirth.
When I share outwards with you the experiences that have been so inward within me, I get to see and feel the rest of the story. As I am experiencing things in meditation, I am set up as both observer and participant with so many details and feelings happening at once it is hard for the processing mind to grasp it in its entirety. When I share… every ounce is filled in and then some… and continues to expand with each remembrance thru the day.
For the last two days, I have been on a deep inner journey of reflection, expansion and a growing desire.
I remember when I was certified to be a Life Between Life Regressionist, taught by Michael Newton, PhD himself in September 2001 and got to experience my journey back into spirit, we came to a point of meeting before what was called “The Counsel of Elders” (who they are doesn’t matter at all for this sharing.) I met them in a place called “The Temple of the Presence.” Thru that three hour excursion of my life as a spiritual Being, I will never forget this place, this feeling, ever.
When I was brought into the Temple I could feel it immediately. A pure pulsing energy of Love. Of a love that I couldn’t even imagined existed in all of creation. It was alive and aware with a rhythm of a heartbeat and permeated everything… just drenched ya in pure vibration. Once again, my words will never ever recreate the energy of that pulse, that pureness, that all-encompassing Love. My heart, will never forget it.
Fast forward to my bathtub in 2002, the 2nd closest experience I had to being in the presence of God. (If you want the details, just click here) Everything in that precious moment was alive, aware and in unison with the Presence.
This was the same energy, the same air-filled feeling of pure Presence I had experienced thru witnessing the soul re-union as well as the child-birth remembrances.
An entire community lived That.
What was completely void in that whole remembering process… the negativity of the ego. Not that these beautiful people didn’t have an ego, they didn’t play for a single second in anything less than Love and Reverence… in That place, in That community Love was All there was.
To have the fullness of Life expressed in That time, nothing less could exist.
And yet, I know with every beat of my heart, this IS where we are returning to, if we choose. And it MUST be a conscious, participating CHOICE.
I sat for a long moment after I published my blog, filled with a yearning desire I cannot remember having other than in 2001 and 2002 and wanting with every ounce of my soul to meet, in person, my mentor. Which did happen.
So, I know this WILL happen too. Nope, Nope, Nope: IS HAPPENING NOW!!
In my morning of yearning yesterday, as my beautiful loving team does from time to time, I got a little life review.
It brought me back to my journey back to Virginia last year. My son and my grandson are probably the purest form of Love made manifest I have in my physical life. My daughters, tho incredibly loving creatures, are still working out their anger issues within. So the purity, the unconditionalness of their loving Being is still forth coming.
I so wanted to wear the grandma suit, the helpful loving mother suit for my son and grandson. But man oh man the energy combination in his house was like living in a nest filled with hornets that were pissed. Long story, doesn’t matter.
To stay there was to surrender the love of mySelf to fulfill the egoic needs/desires and everyone’s perception of “family.”
With more pain in my heart than the first time I moved out of their lives, I brought my life back to New Mexico. I started to hear a phrase around the 11/11/11 timeline:
“If you knew you could have it ALL, would you first give it ALL up.”
Do not under-estimate the power of that sentence, the energy and completeness of what it means and demands.
Our entanglements run deep. Very very deep. The ego’s sense of self becomes embedded in our identities, our relationships, our stature even if only in the family setting.
If what you seek, deep in your heart and soul is to Be The Presence of Love, you must untangle every bit of yourself from everything.
I cried all the way to New Mexico. It was more than just sad tears, but like a burn patient getting the old burned skin peeled off, the pain was deep, it was ancient and it hurt like hell!
By the time I arrived back in New Mexico December of this past year, I became so sick for 2 weeks. Fever, digestion issues, coughing, sinus drainage and a complete loss of voice. I pretty much slept for my two weeks back. But once I came out of it, something new was alive within me.
Altho I moved back to the greatest roommate a person could ever ask to have, the last two weeks of December, I knew I didn’t belong there either. And Archangel Michael with his pesky questions!!
“How do you see yourself in 2012.” The one thing I know about the spiritual realm of questions, it is always multi-layered in-depth and meaning.
My mind went here and there, conjured up healing places, community places, all these external things we tend to relate to our lives. And then suddenly and seemingly without any effort on my (conscious) part, my heart reverberated the truth of the answer…
“In a place where my vibration can expand with life minds and frequencies.”
The words themselves seem so simple, but they are not… at all. I knew within the feeling of that energy I must live on my own. Period.
But I was still in the mindset of a massage therapist and after 7 years of massage, my carpels were tapping out. To do massages every day had become painful. I had spent the previous year in a financial struggle… excuse me, most of my lifetime, so I had to be financially cautious on where I moved and the expense of living. …well… so my mind stated.
I took up the journey of cruising craigslist adds for apartments for rent, my perceived financial budget put me in neighborhoods that just would not facilitate my spiritual growth… at all.
And then I seen the picture of a place in the Jemez. It captured my heart like nothing else ever had before. It was way out of my price range… and yet, I woke up thinking about it so profusely I wrote an email to the landlady to come have a look. That alone was insane since I had no money to even strike up a deal. I just moved back from Virginia using every bit of savings, was sick for two weeks and barely working at all.
But I have long learned not to ignore the pounding of my heart and the things that wake me up at night.
Just driving into the Jemez, I knew I was Home. When I met my landlady and we talked and shared and really understood this off the beaten path place she calls home and the sacredness that permeates the place… I knew this was where I had to live and she was a kindred soul like nothing I have ever met before. She obviously felt the same about me, because she handed me the key to my new life right then and there.
Boy what an understatement that is. New Life.
My entire life, every spec of it, has transformed since setting up Home here. YOU came out of the woodwork to help me Stay here, no, to make sure I stay here (you still do very much by the way.)
The Presence of Love made manifest.
(OMG, I just realized something from a reading yesterday, which I am going to share in a separate blog when I finish this one.)
The seeds of YOUR pure love came thru the energy stream we call money. Donations filled my paypal account and within a week, I had my rent paid in full, my propane tank with enough energy to keep me warm, the ability to put food in my cupboards. YOU took care of me, for no other reason except that you could and loved me thru not only my endings, but OUR new beginnings.
The pure, unconditional seed energy to grow this place into the vibrant existence it had always dreamed of. And let me tell you, the Dream is now Reality.
In this Heaven I call Home, my spiritual abilities hit new levels almost daily now. The strongly held vibration of poverty and unworthiness left my energy field… not because of what I did, but because of what WE have done together.
My son and I have a stronger more balanced relationship than ever before.
My personal needs are met effortlessly every day. Not with a bulging bank account, but by daily sustenance from You, from Life. Together, we feed the birds and animals and they thrive and love here every single day.
My father, after decades of separation, flooded into my life with a heart full of love I could not have ever imagined. My siblings, his children, as excited to reunite with me as he was. Puzzling me to no end (smile.) I have found it is easier to have a stranger love me than my own family (at least that had been my personal experience to Here.) Of course, that had been my experience because it was also my deepest fear. No Longer!!
The re-union healed so many things within me instantly, some bigger things I didn’t realize I harbored, within my bathtub. But a heart expansion that was beyond needed for my soul growth, and a profound release of stuck energy.
And then the wild, wonderful, amazing adventure with Rick. A gift unto my expanding soul like no other.
I so realized yesterday that the very energy, the very concepts we have of living Heaven on earth is already filtering into our lives.
We are in constant choice of: Do you want to occupy this space, this Presence or just visit it occasionally. Let me tell you there is no right or wrong in choices. Ever.
My personal choice tho, I am a permanent resident Here and will commit to doing whatever it takes, however long it takes, to assure that my outer world vibrates as steadily and radiantly as my inner world does. I am still a work in progress let me tell you!! lol But how freakin exciting is that!!
Thru the heartbeats of each other, WE HAVE opened the doorway to Shambhala. Now that I see it, it is unmistakable in clarity and builds in intensity every moment of every day.
To be Awake is to fully embody and LIVE the Presence of Love that You Are. Your inner life and your outer life MUST match in full expression in every moment. For many, that requires moving out of your life that you lived to this moment and taking up residence in a place that supports your vibrational field. Nothing less will do.
Let me tell you, giving up every single aspect of your life is the greatest gift you can do for ALL of your life.
I find myself replaying the energy of those two meditation experiences all day long, and each moment expands my heart, my deep desires in ways I didn’t know possible.
I also feel the energy of the voice talking about the birds when he said so strongly: NO they REALLY Love You.
The missing ingredient in our love… is the REAL. It is a tangible, permiable energy. It is fully alive within itself. Not just an expression or a flow of feeling, not matter how strong that feeling is. It changes the air around you, it changes everything to the harmoney and expression of Pure Love. It is why you can FEEL the presence here, albeit softly, for now, but like no where else on earth that I have walked/lived! Life comes alive here thru out exchange of pure love together. And it IS excited!!! We excite it daily!!
I woke up with a jolt today because someone sent me a wonderful link to a poet who may have well summed up my meditation sharings in the most beautiful poetic paragraph that soared thru my heart with knowing. I looked over his many wonderful, profound sharings and then went to the picture gallery to “see” his energy. Perhaps some part of me hoping he has learned to live in this passionate state of living (then I can tap him for deeper understanding of “how to.” The images, tho beautiful, were posed.
Children don’t pose for pictures, they are pure expressions of the love they are. It is the minds desire to project, that poses.
(Ohhh my goodness, reading number two, I get you today!!)
To return to the state of the child within. Pure, Present, Unconditionally Loving without the need of an external image or self view!!
To fully return to the State of What Is as your permanent Reflection of Self.
To Live As the Presence of Love, within the Presence of Love. It is only then are we fully Awake in Our Home on Earth and bring to Life all that goes with that Presence of Being.
We are Here, We are Re-Membering, We are closer to our goal than we even imagine!!
Together, We Are the One and we are Alive!!
Lisa Gawlas Reading Special 3-4-2: www.mysoulcenter.com/energy_readings.html
Meditation and Energy Classes Now Forming: www.mysoulcenter.com/classes.html Space is limited in each class.