Posted by: Lisa Gawlas | June 26, 2012

Ego Will vs Divine Will: The Molting Period of Becoming FULLY Awake!

I was awoken three times last night by Jorge.  Very much like in one of the meditations I had several weeks ago…. he was shaking the ba-jesus out of me saying, quite loudly “Aware is not Awake.”  He repeated that line until I actually woke up from sleep.  The first time, exactly midnight.  I got up and went to the bathroom and felt wide awake (not tired at all) but there is no way I am getting up at midnight.  I went back to sleep.  At 1:30am, once again, he is shaking the ba-jesus out of me saying “Aware is not awake.”   I felt like there was so much more information surrounding this both times, but I could not retain it.  Once again, I felt wide awake and actually thought about getting up for the day, but declined.  I have three readings on my schedule and I will be worthless if I got up now.  The last time he did this, at 3:45am I actually got up.

Of course, there is something, actually several things that happened yesterday that I know he is trying to get me to see with eyes wide open.

About 2pm yesterday, I had a Rick show up at my back door.  I knew when he left he was staying at a local campsite, I also knew he was going to hike to the top of the Mesa yesterday and said he would stop by.  So seeing him was not surprising at all.

I fed and watered him and we talked about his journey to the top of the Mesa, as well as this past week for him.  I never did tell him about the Guardians tossing him over the cliff.  I will today tho!

He had told me that shortly after embarking on his journey up the cliff his largest water bottle strung a leak and emptied.  He did not stop and continued up the Mesa.  Then, one shoe blew out, the sole completely separating from the frame of the shoe.  He tied it up with a shoe lace and persisted.  The second shoe chimed in, this time, the sole completely removing itself.  He tied that one together too, and continued his quest upward.

As he told me about this failing shoes he laughingly mentioned that a day or two prior, his flip-flops broke as well.

The universe is screaming a communication to him.  He is aware enough to know there is something to it all, but not awake enough to pay close attention and take action in the moment.

Most of us govern our footsteps by what was valid for us yesterday, last week or even in the morning.  But, as so often is the case on this path, the winds of change can blow at any moment and we must always be ready and willing to change our course in mid stride.

His ascent to the top of the Mesa was terrifying.  Whom ever gave him direction took him to the steepest slope for his climb… the north side.  He discovered many cliffs going up and down… complete drop off’s.

I am grateful he made it up and down without harm, save some serious thirst and a spent pair of shoes.

What is very strange, for me at least, I did not hug him when he came thru the back door.  I hug everyone.  But then again, I did not hug him the day he left either.  There is this odd wedge of energy between us that I could not discern yesterday, but the more I share, the more it is becoming clear.

I remember two readings I had this past week.  One was a beautiful young man whose reading had him climbing a the 3 steps upward, his steps were unusually wide considering the other readings I had seen with these similar 3 steps.  When we got to the top, onto the third step, something very strange was there.  A wedge of energy I could not recognize or move thru.  I could not put my awareness into it to understand it… but it felt solid, impenetrable even.  I am not even sure how I did it, but I was able to completely skip it and go to the other side to continue his reading.  I have not written about it simply because I really didn’t understand it.

Yesterday, in one of my readings was a lady who was in a very large magnetic field of energy.  It looked like a huge globe spinning on the fields surface, gold in vibration and she was in the center of it.  On each side of her large magnetic ball of energy were these four lines that hovered just outside of her ball.  The lines were directly at the center of her magnetic sphere and each line was about 2-3 feet in length.  The North and South lines were a soft baby girl pink, the East and West lines were a soft baby boy blue.  Yet, there was a gap of energy between the lines and her magnetic sphere.  Something had to happen for the new energy lines, the new direction of her magnetic world had to happen for all to take hold.  I mentioned to her about this young man and his energy wedge… but in truth, I have no flipping clue what it means… but this morning, I really feel I am closer to understanding the fullness and importance of it all.

The Ego Will vs The Divine Will

The ego is a great task master.  It will find a way to keep you on a task, even if the instruction set from the world around you has changed.  To discern this part is crucial.  Take Ricks hike as a great example.  Last week his instruction set was to climb the Mesa on Monday instead of the day we planned on climbing it together, which was for the Solstice.

As he started his trek, the water drained from his bottle.  Water is always in relationship to emotions.  He had embarked on this upward journey during the intensity of the dark night of the soul.  He was angry and depressed from the events that transpired that he did not fully understand.  The ego cannot understand what the soul knows.

Knowing his body will lack water upon this hike, he went for it anyway… listening to old programming from 5 days prior.  Then his shoe fell apart.  The universal warning number two… and he persisted upwards.

For us to really know what we are doing moment by moment, so much has to fall away from us.

Where we strive to go, the ego cannot come in its present form.  We can seek to cross the road, but should our ego get us there, we have only really crossed a road and another will be presented to us.  Until we stand, fully awake in our moments and feel the every changing winds of change guide us to our truest destiny.

That wedge of energy is the ego.  For we all must take up the final mantle of disillusion, and that time is Now.

The greatest death of our collective lives is at hand.

Thru our conversation yesterday, Rick had asked if he could come back here and stay with me.  Of course he could.  There is nothing more beautiful for me to behold than the molting process of the human in change!!

After the day cooled down, we went to sit by the river.  When I opened my back door a horror filled me.  Bird feathers everywhere.  One of the morning doves must have been attacked.  In all my days here, no thing ever attacked the other on this field.  What the hell??  My heart was broken to think that anything could have come onto this precious place and attack and hurt life here.

I looked to see if I could find an injured bird, or worse… a carcass.  Nothing.  Other than a ton of feathers, there was not even any blood, I looked.

My heart still hurt.

My hummingbird friends, have set themselves up as the protectors of my heart.  Maybe it is the 10 pounds of sugar they are consuming every week, that allows their sweetness to seep thru even when I am at my saddest.  When I sit at the river in contemplation (usually stemming from a sadness in my heart) one will always be there with me.  Flying into my awareness, looking directly at me, at my soul no doubt and then will fly to and fro until I recognize the joy in whatever I am pondering.

When Jorge woke me up at midnight shaking me, it was as if I had all those feathers were on me and they were flying everywhere from the shaking.

The second time, there was such a stream of light flowing thru the shaking.  The third time led me to write this blog, so I could processes it all.

The winds of change are howling, changing course almost by the minute.  So suddenly and so intensely that to get caught up in the resistance is to have your feathers ripped from you… true flight can only be achieved with a full and uncompromised integration of ego.

The day before Rick showed up at my door, there were two doves chasing each other around the field… a sexual dance of nature.  I smiled as the male chased the ever elusive female.

Should the female allow herself to be caught, a transformation of all life occurs. The female produces eggs for the next expression of life…

Together, there is an intense molting process happening.  One that can easily be seen as a death, as I did yesterday.  For a single moment I had wondered if the feathers came from molting, but ignored it, simply because I was worried about the bird coming into harm.  Maybe I was worried more about myself and wanted to be sure.

There are a ton of pin feathers on the ground outside… a sure sign of molting (had to look that one up.)

Whatever this wedge of energy really is between us, we will transmute it, together… in separate rooms of course (smile.)

I must laugh out loud as I suddenly remember Jorge pulling off his mask several days ago… I would have never seen it as “molting” until I seen the picture I have used for this sharing.

My entire chest area is peeling, molting,  from sitting so long in the River during our solstice.

Not everything is as it seems!!

The winds of change and the echoing of life never ceases to amaze me.

To all those ego’s in rapid molt phase… I salute you!!!

With Divine Will and heart filled wonder to Life living out loud!!

((((((HUGZ)))))) of full and complete transmutation to all who have the courage to go there!!

Lisa Gawlas

I am still pecking away at our soul gym, I have two open to everyone sessions booked on the calendar for July.  Please join us in launching this new expression of creation!!



  1. Hi Lisa
    I have been away over the Solstice in France and feel such a sense of endings.. with all the endings come new beginnings .. only my heart is hurting at the moment from the fluctuation of it all. Maybe I need a visit from your hummingbirds. 🙂
    I have not been reading your posts for the last while so will look backwards to see where you have arrived.
    (((BIG HUGS))
    … formally known as Matariki … more molting 🙂


    • Eileen, I have the same feeling. I have this foreboding that June 30th is some sort of ending/deadline for me, but I don’t know what to do or what it’s all about…and the molting hurts (what else is new?)


      • Cheryl, Im feeling the same way as well. As if this week is the ending but yet a beginning, of what I dont know. Its as if Im split into to halves. Part of me is here, in the old energy, and part of me is merging with the new energy. It is very difficult for me to go through the day. All I keep screaming to myself is that I want OUT. Im ready for something new. Im glad Im not the only one who is feeling this way. Roy


      • Thanks, Roy, for saying that. Glad to know I’m not the only one (still) screaming. So many mixed emotions this week. I feel like I’m running out of time to take steps somewhere, but to where I know not.


      • Seems like we have so much in common at the moment Cheryl. I have been taking steps to somehwere as well but that door to where Im going hasnt open yet. Last Friday was my last day at my job, yesterday (Monday) I turned in my company van, which I have had for years, and now I sit waiting for further instructions. I dont even want to be home anymore. I feel like I dont fit in here anymore. I hate to say it but I feel irritated as if something is separating me from everyone else. I feel like Im going crazy. I need help and answers……..Roy


    • Yep. Except for me, every time I think I’ve had all I can take at my 2 part time jobs, and I see how I don’t fit in, then the next time something happens to validate my being there–like more work showing up that helps me out, or a nice encounter with somebody who says how they like me being there. So then I get confused all over again….and meanwhile, I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if I could get paid well to go off to an island and write…because then I could choose who I wanted to deal with–and when. Lisa said June would be hard so I am not surprised that I won’t be too sad that it’s over, but I’m hoping July provides some REAL SOLUTIONS. (Sorry to hijack your comments section, Lisa.)


      • Ohhhh Cheryl (and everyone else) you can never hijack the comments section, it is here to be used and I am so glad you and Roy Eileen are sharing!! It really is a joy to my heart to see you talking and sharing together!!


    • Ooops … what a weird typo ! I just realised that I wrote `formally’ known … instead of formerly known.,.. but possibly I was being formal with Matariki … and now I am being informal as Eileen. 🙂
      Roy and Cheryl I am joining you on the crazy train..and what were you saying about feeling `split in two’…?. It has been a mad time of late. We are blessed to have each other.


      • Eileen, I feel this is a very important time that we all stick together and hold each others hands. To let go of the Ego and know that we need each other at this pivitol time. Our family, freinds co-workers may not understand what we are going through but at least we can connect with others who do. Grab my hand and hold on……..Roy


  2. […] link to original article Share this:MorePrintShare on TumblrEmailDigg Pin ItLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in Article, Links, reblog and tagged 2012, 26 June, Disclosure, Earth, Ego Will vs Divine Will : The Molting Period Of Becoming Fully Awake!, Lisa Gawlas, news, spiritual, Spiritual evolution, World. Bookmark the permalink. ← Suzanne Lie – Mytria/Mytre – Mind Over Matter – 26 June 2012 […]


  3. […] days before my next infusion.  My hands are currently peeling like I had a sunburn. I joke that I am molting.  It is not pretty to look at and I keep my hands super lotioned up at work to avoid the gross out […]


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